in the night of tears
by Vardonir
Summary: FAIR HAVEN: Chakotay wanted to spend time with Kathryn. Kathryn wanted to spend time with Sullivan. J/C, onesided.


He heard the sound of a female's laughter as he walked around the streets of Fair Haven. It wasn't familiar – it was just that she laughed so rarely these days that he almost forgot how it sounded.

"Why? Do you have somebody?"

He saw her, walking with a man – He has seen the man at the pub before. "In Fair Haven? Not unless you fancy a pig farmer."

"Oh, not my type," he heard her respond, as she let go of him arm, and stopped in front of the Ox and Lamb.

"Well, what about a barkeeper who reads poetry in strange places?"

He approached them. "Captain?"

The rank seemed came out of nowhere. We were off duty; he should have called her Kathryn. "I thought that was you."

"Just getting in the spirit," she replied shyly, trying to explain her appearance.

"I can see that. I don't believe we've met," he said to the hologram with her. Kathryn seemed to avoid both of our glances, shyly looking away.

"Sullivan. Michael Sullivan," the hologram introduced himself, extending his hand.

"Chakotay," they shook hands, though the First Officer kept forcing his smile.

"That's a fine tattoo. Are you off a ship?" Sullivan asked, trying to make conversation.

"You could say that," Chakotay casually replied, trying not to get into detail.

"We're on the way up to the old castle," Sullivan said. "You're welcome to come with us."

"Thanks, but," Chakotay answered. The look on Kathryn's face almost read that she didn't want him to come along. "I'm meeting Neelix at the Ox and Lamb. You two have fun."

The last thing he wanted to do was to spend more time there.

* * *

"Thanks for your report, Commander," Kathryn said, as she read the PADD, not looking up.

"Don't mention it," Chakotay replied, picking up the book she left at the surface between the command chairs. "Hills most green, hearts unseen," he read from the spine.

"Yes. Jane Eldon," she glanced at the book in his hand. "Catching up on my reading."

"Those hills and hearts wouldn't happen to be in Ireland?"

"You can wipe that smirk off your face. It's not what you think."

"I wasn't thinking anything," he lied. "But now that you mentioned it—"

"I have an interest in Irish culture," she 'explained'.

"It's understandable. They've produced great writers for hundreds of years, not to mention great bartenders."

"He's a hologram."

"I couldn't help but notice he seemed a little taller than the last time I saw him."

"Yes, I made a few modifications," she replied quickly.

He could tell from her actions that she was lying.

"In the interest of Irish culture," he said.

"Exactly," she added. To make sure that she thought that he bought her lie, he laughed softly at her response.

"You seemed embarrassed when I ran into you. There was no reason to be," he explained, as she looked away. "It was nice to see you having a little fun."

She looked at his direction, leaning closer, resting her chin at her knuckles. "He is rather charming, isn't he? Too bad he's made of photons and force fields."

"I never let that stand in my way," he lied. He hoped she would keep thinking of Sullivan that way.

* * *

He knew what he had to do. As soon as the shift ended, he went directly to his quarters.

Time to break out the basic computer skills taught at the Academy again.

"Computer, access character files of holodeck program Paris 042."

"Specify character," the computer replied to his query, as displaying all characters at his screen simultaneously would require a more powerful system, and would need for the holoprogram in question to be shut down.

"Michael Sullivan."

His screen began to load the character file's code – A detailed program, littered with the coder's comments at almost every block of code. He noticed a non-commented block, formatted to appear as a large chunk of code, unlike Paris' neat, nested, and commented codes. It was possibly edited by the computer, accepting voice commands from a user.

"Computer, was this character edited by someone else other than Tom Paris?"

"Affirmative. Kathryn Janeway."

Since he could barely read the machine written code, he asked the computer to explain her modifications.

"Education of a nineteenth century third year student at Trinity College.

"Outspokenness. Confidence. Sociability.

"Curiosity about the world around him.

"Increased the height by three centimeters.

"Two days' growth of facial hair.

"Deleted his wife."

He didn't know what to infer from those modifications. The original Sullivan program was coded to be almost three centimeters shorter than Chakotay.

"Computer," he began, trying to think of his next step. "Is there any material for a crash course on ethical hacking on the database?"

* * *

For hours, he monitored the auditory input of the Sullivan character, as it spent time with Janeway by the train station at the Holodeck. He also monitored the visual input - needless to say, it was almost as if Chakotay were walking with her, given Sullivan's adjusted height.

The Commander began to manipulate Sullivan's speech output. He suggested that they go to a picnic by the lake. She agreed, but Chakotay had to do one last modification – full control of the character.

He had Sullivan going inside the storage area of the pub, to 'look for something to bring with them.'

Chakotay left Sullivan inside the storage area.

"Computer, modify my physical appearance to look exactly like Michael Sullivan."

Since the height was not a problem, the transformation went smoothly, making him a complete copy of the man, including the voice.

"Computer, deactivate Michael Sullivan character."

* * *

Chakotay wasn't actually able to get any sleep, when he studied the ethical hacking course, whereas Janeway had eight hours of sleep before heading to the holodeck. He laid his head at her shoulder – she didn't seem to mind – and fell asleep.

He woke up. Alone. He transferred the visual and audio input from his disguise to the Sullivan character, so that it would be as if the hologram went to the picnic with Janeway, instead of his offline state during the entire time.

Chakotay returned to his quarters.

* * *

**Personal Log, Stardate 53409.2**

_The Fair Haven program was damaged heavily from the neutronic gradient. According to Paris, only about ten percent of the program might be recovered._

_The Spirits might have been smiling upon me._

He paused.

_Kathryn,_

_I did some 'modifications' to the Fair Haven program, myself, just like you. _

_Remember when Sullivan started sleeping? He wasn't programmed to snore. I had myself disguised as Sullivan that day. I wanted to see how you were with him. You seemed... Happy._

_You could have told all those modifications to me, Kathryn. I would gladly 'modify my algorithms' for you; I would have done everything you wanted, just to see you smiling. _

He cringed, clenching both of his hands into fists, trying hard not to pound it at the wall separating his quarters from hers. "Computer, delete last sentence."

He stared at the screen for some time. He gazed up, closed his eyes, trying to prevent the tears from falling from his eyes.

Men aren't meant to cry, even heartbroken ones.

The computer beeped to alert me that the draft has been saved.

_Kathryn, I love you. _

_Do _I_ need to climb a tree and shout your name in front of the crew to prove it? _

He bowed his head, letting the tears fall freely.

"Computer, delete draft."

* * *

"Computer, create new character in Chakotay Training Program 15-Beta. Use character Michael Sullivan from program Paris 042 as physical template."

That day, Chakotay fought a two-against-one match, with the holodeck safeties off – as always.

It was him against Sullivan and Kashyk.

* * *

**Zem's Note(s):** Okay, so... Forgive some of the descriptions. About the code and all that. I used my experience coding a website using FrontPage, contrast to the way I hand code a website. (I decided that I hate FrontPage) And I'm really fond of using comments when dealing with C++ for one of my majors class. So there.

This idea, along with a lot others, have been floating in my brain for some time now.

Especially the last scene. I might use it again. (Okay, actually, I will.)

Once again, I lifted the title from X Japan's music. This one's from _Unfinished_.


End file.
